Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
