It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize