Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
