Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
