I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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