The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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