We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
