im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
