I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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