Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
