I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
