The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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