So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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