Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
