Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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