her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
