I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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