u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize