i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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