I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
