Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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