I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
