Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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