I think my vagina is haunted
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
