smell my finger.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
