just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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