i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
