in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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