It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
