Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
