It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
COCAINE IS GR8
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
