Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
