Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
