it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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