he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
