That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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