the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
