elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
