Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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