she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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