you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
