Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
