got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
