Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
