i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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