Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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