mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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