I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
