Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
