two words...techno handjob
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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