Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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