the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
