Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
