bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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