nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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