I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
