My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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