do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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