yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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