i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
