I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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