she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
did you just send me my own nude
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
