imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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