we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
