i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
