I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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