My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
