So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
