Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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