I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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